I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
