Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
