It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
