It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
