i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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