if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
