this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
