i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Still dying that you shit outside
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
