What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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