what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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