All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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