goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
