Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
