Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
