We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
