There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
