At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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