Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
