Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
