i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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