Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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