Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
