My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
