I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
i think my cat just said my name.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
