my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
