Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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