Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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