I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
