Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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