Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
