do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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