i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
