Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
