I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
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Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
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Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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