peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
