i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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