I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
