Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
