Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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