You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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