I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
