I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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