the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
