I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
