they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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