i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
