Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
