He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
