What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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