I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize