hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
