I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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