I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
