cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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