I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
