chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
