Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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