He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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