question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
