I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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