Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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